Issa New Year! I couldn’t let my favorite holiday pass without participating in a little drag of the last set of 12 months that had the nerve to call itself 2017. A lot of the list items are beauty related, others just life, but all I’m tired of seeing. Agree or disagree??
- Under-eye highlight that is too light/bright
Now I’ve wasted enough time watching too many Youtube makeup tutorials to know that your under eye highlight should be just 1-2 shades lighter than your normal foundation shade. One to two! Now maybe the struggle is that some don’t know their correct foundation shade to begin with and to that I kindly point you to fentybeauty.com. Get your life.
In any case, your face shouldn’t be two different colors, sis! If your under eye is “latte” and your cheeks are “espresso” you’ve gone too far! You done spent two hours in the mirror and too much money on product and defeated the main purpose of face makeup: to even out your skintone. Now you out here looking like Two-Face. Stop!
- Subscriptions for everything
Subscriptions are the current gimmick in the beauty/lifestyle space and we alllll fell for it. Sure, receiving a package every month is a cute surprise but it’s a lot less cute and not at all a surprise when you’re scrolling through your online banking app trying to re-evaluate your life.
And honestly, who needs to be sent a random hodgepodge of products to try when you could, idk, go out and buy what you need when you need it? There are subscriptions for makeup, skincare, hair care, snacks, real food, dog food, panties (??) like enough is enough. We’re on to your game and we’re keeping our coins in 2018. (Screengrab via Too Much Mouth. She tried damn near every subscription so we don’t have to!)
- The follow to unfollow game:
It’s now 2018, pretty sure we all have that app that lets you know when someone unfollows you. Enough with adding people you have no interest in because you’re trying to arbitrarily boost your follower count. Have some class and do it the right way: wait until you’ve earned at least 10k and then go on an unfollowing spree to improve your follower to following ratio. In the meantime, you unfollow, I unfollow.
- Gimmicky beauty tutorials:
In your thumbnail/teaser you’re “using” kitchen knives, candles, sneakers, etc; is this a beauty tutorial or a fetish video?? If you have to resort to dramatic clickbait, a career in social media just might not be for you. (Hilarious thumbnail via Kory Mann)
- Glitter everything:
As a millennial that grew up in the hey day of Limited Too, Lisa Frank and Delia’s, I have a close and personal relationship with glitter. And what’s the most important part of a healthy relationship? Respect. Respect to know what does not, for any reason, need glitter. Bath bombs do not need glitter. Face masks do not need glitter. Why on earth would you try to clean yourself with the one substance that is notoriously impossible to get rid of? Oh and this just in, it’s apparently terrible for the environment too.
- Ending sentences with “lol”
So I can’t take credit for this; I’m sure we’ve all seen this meme by now. But I agree, it’s time to let it go. It went from meaning I’m actually laughing to meaning THIS IS JUST A JOKE IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL HAHA. It has now been added to the “filler” category along with “like” and “um”. It’s that much of a throwaway. I also find it’s a convenient cop out response for guys when they don’t know what else to say. Let’s not give them the easy way out this year.
- Build-a-body figures
I know this probably isn’t going away any time soon, not after the money some people paid, but we gotta do something about these bodies that are so obviously fake. I’m all for doing whatever makes you feel better (as long as you’re not hurting anyone, obvi) but as a society, we can decide to stop celebrating and promoting bodies that look bad just because they meet certain requirements. What good is a 50 inch butt when your thighs are still size 3? Or a tiny waist when your arms still shop at Lane Bryant? This isn’t normal and you will not get a like from me, I refuse!
- Kira Kira
Now ya’ll using this for things that don’t even sparkle normally. It’s supposed to enhance shine, not create it.
- Doing THE absolute most to make your wig look “natural”
It seems like anytime I log into Youtube there’s some new hack that claims it will leave you saying “what frontal?” From scar tape to DIYing bald caps, some gurus are advertising way too many steps to wear something that is essentially supposed to sit on your head because you’d rather not spend hours doing your own hair. By the time I’m done watching some of these tutorials, I could of done my own (real) hair! In box braids!
- Social media influencers flaunting their new money
Ok, this one is pretty specific and the worst offenders are Youtubers. They start off with humble box lighting and thrift store hauls and then 500k subscribers later, they only do travel vlogs and GRWMs as they prepare for some unnecessary product launch. Success is great, we’re all rooting for you, but careful not to rub it into the face of the people who made you. You literally would not get paid if it weren’t for your follower count. It reminds me of a situation I was in where my old landlord was constantly on vacation (and gloating about it.) It’s like, hello, of course you can afford to travel. Look how much I pay you in rent!
- Arguing with uneducated people online
We’re already online which is half the battle. GOOGLE IS FREE. I refuse to participate in “how is that racist” or “sources?” type of online discussions moving forward.
- Telling people what they shouldn’t be offended by
“Everyone is so sensitive these days!” “Triggeredddd” “Ok, snowflake” Or maybe different people care about different things. Imagine that.
- Donald Trump’s twitter
So there’s not going back, we have to accept that the least qualified man on earth is indeed the president of the United States. But there’s nothing in the Constitution that says he has to have social media. Mr. Twitter Fingers is literally one hashtag away from declaring war without asking the rest of us first. It’s like leaving your phone with a toddler: it may be just fine or they may accidentally purchase a home only after forwarding your nudes to your mom. It’s not worth the risk. Is there like, a safe mode we can put him on?
- The Kardashians.
Please. For the love of God.
Oh and if Nelnet calls, you can let them know I left student loans in 2017. Ok, byeeeee!